Cat gun

Eva: Dad, if you own a cat, you can use it as a gun.
Dad: What?
Eva: Yeah you hold its back legs like this and front legs like this you can pretend it's a gun. *makes machine gun noise*
Dad: Eva, no.

The Carpenters

Tom: Is a carpenter someone who lays carpets?

Old man's cock

Dad: Pubs in Britain have the dullest names. The Shire Oak?
Tom: Yeah, there's a pub called The Old Man's Cock.
Dad: I doubt it Tom.