Kid hilarious

Eva: Do you put all the funny stuff we say on kid hilarious?
Dad: Yes. And it's called Kidlarious.

Pepperoni beer

Tom: Dad, do you like pepperoni beer?
Dad: What is pepperoni beer?
Tom: The one you bought at the restaurant the other day.
Dad: That was Peroni.  Not pepperoni.

Heaven is a place on Earth

Eva: Why would Heaven be in space and not on Earth? If all the dead people were in space the astronauts would be freaked out.

Didn't say penis.

Tom came home after his very first day of school, aged four.

Tom: Mom, I had a good day at school today.
Mom: Why's that?
Tom: I didn't say "penis".