Pumpkin seaweed

We're carving the Hallowe'en pumpkin.

Eva: Dad, there sure is a lot of seaweed inside this pumpkin.
Dad: It's not seaweed.  Seaweed comes from the sea.

Crack knocker!

Kids are eating peanuts. They're having trouble peeling the shells off.

Tom: Some of these are hard to open, and there are no peanuts inside.
Dad: It happens.
Eva: Dad, can we have the crack knocker?
Dad: Crack knocker?  Do you mean the nut cracker?
Eva: Yeah.

Funeral anthem

There has been a death in the family. I've told the kids.

Tom: Will they play the national anthem at the funeral?
Dad: No Tom, they'll sing sad funeral songs.
Eva: Like (sings), "Somebody died, somebody died".
Dad: No Eva. That's a bit too in-your-face.

Spiders on my mind

Tom: Ewwwww dad, a spider!
Dad: It's not bothering you, why are you so panicked about spiders all of a sudden?
Tom: Because I can feel them crawling all over my back.
Dad: Doubt it. I think it's in your head.
Tom: Dad! Don't say that, there aren't any spiders in my head.
Dad: Sigh, that's not what I meant.